I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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