Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
