found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
