OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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