I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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