You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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