you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
