I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
