I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
