im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
