if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
