I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
