no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
