I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
