Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
