I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think your dad took our porno
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize
