I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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