The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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