even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
