You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
