hotel room ftw
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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