Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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