Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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