Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
