In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
