btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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