I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize