wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you win again, gameday.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
