she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
