I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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