Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I need help removing her.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
