We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
