God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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