Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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