hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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