You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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