Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
