I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
