just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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