my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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