There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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