It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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