I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
