it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
