this beer tastes like vomit already
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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