She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
