I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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