Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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