The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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