what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
