well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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