remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
