I hate all girls vehemently.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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