Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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