Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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