the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
