Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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