I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
