everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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