I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
