In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s