hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
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