So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.