If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.