Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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