Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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