hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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