I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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