Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
