i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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