So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
