It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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