im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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