Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
