i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
